Monday, October 25, 2010

So it's October

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So here we are already into October 2010.

Some days it feels like yesterday. Some days is feels like it's happening now
and then some days, I forget- pick up the phone call her and this recording tells me the number is incorrect.... I guess Nextel decided not to use that number any more.

Sorry I haven't updated this blog since Easter but so much other in my crazy world has happened and so little relating to this has been going on. I have hesitated to blog about all the craziness in my little world.

I did blog a bit on Butterflies in the dark... had too.

I'm just so tired, I have given so much thought and work into the Network, but i really just don't know what I am doing with it. It has so many features and this and that- Hell, never claimed to know anything about running a network. It was fine as long and they were doing most of the work- Now I need some help or away it has to go. I simply can't pay for something that I'm not utilizing nor is getting me much traffic to the Network. It's a waste of what little money I have. Social Security Disability doesn't give you much to live on so thankfully I have some who loves me that provides me with a place to stay.

Anyway, I had pretty much decided this was all truly a waste of time and effort and tears... because it has gotten us NO WHERE-

Hell, I spoke, yes emailed also but I SPOKE to Diane Dimond ((months before she suddenly got famous)) and she's supposed to be this great advocate for women, but what happened?

After accusing me in writing of the worst form of Child Abuse; I was accused of "running off to Hawaii to avoid paying child support" yeah right.... whole other story in my twisted world-

So you know me I had to correct this "person"

I e mailed her when I read this "story" and she did answer me very bitterly and claiming this was a matter of record and that- well yes, but Why not call ME and ask ME who you are using as and "EXAMPLE” in a story that had NOTHING TO DO WITH ME... before you go and splatter my name in print all over the flipping Internet. And how dare she compare a measly "judgment of $11,000" to My being owed over $100,000 and possibly a murder???

I told her to go read my blogs and e mailed her documents. Thinking, wow she did this story without this much to go on. She's going to take HR's Story and run with it.... boy was I EVER WRONG

She read my blogs said she was sorry about "my loss" but there was nothing she could do for me. She hoped we got answers soon.

So this is why I choose to just forget it. Unless there's money to be made for these people they don't really care- All she cares about is selling her book. Nancy Grace- She's a disgrace to all women with her higher than mighty attitude and I have begged that show to help. They ran the same footage over and over for months and I gave them a story and one of her producers told me it wasn't juicy enough. They only want garbage not real people needing help.

A few months ago, sometime in the spring, I was approached by a reporter in Alexandria and told I want to do your story for SWEEPS week, I was hesitant but hopeful. He asked me to wait the weekend & he'd know more on Monday after approaching his bosses with all the information I had given him. I poured my heart out to this man, who I thought was really going to try to help us. Remember, He contacted Me!

Then was told they want nothing to do with it, "it's more suited to a 48 hours type show or something that can give it ample time" & the reporter was told to "stay away from that story" Then I believe a few weeks later he was looking for another job???


All I wanted was a couple seconds of airtime to say hey Pineville/ Ball / Alexandria~~~

A girl was found dead her in her estranged father home and he owed her $90K+ in unpaid child support that she was trying to get through an attorney. She had no reason to be there, she had a job and a home in another state and no body knew he had taken her.

So the manner my daughter died we will never really know how he did it, she had 3 days worth of those drugs in her system, nobody is going to tell me he wasn't slowly poisoning my baby with a pitcher of lethal tea.

Now I am babbling and sad and miss so much.

If I had one wish it would be to turn back the clock to October night Michael had taken the very same combination of pills, I wish I had packed mine & Heather's bags and had gotten into the car and just kept driving until I got anywhere but as far away from Denver as I could and just let him die, why didn't I?

I ask myself every day since he killed Heather, WHY???

Why didn't I just let him die when I had the chance...

WHY? did he have to kill her? She loved life so much, all she wanted was a father to love her

WHY? did all these people lie over and over and over

WHY? wouldn't DHS ever help me enforce my child support orders?

WHY? did they let this happen?

WHY? Is everyone still turning their backs on her? She deserves better than this.

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